A Sense of Crisis in the Middle Classes with Economic Confidence Low

I don’t know why this thing is bothering me the way it is. After all, why should I care if Professor Roundabout and Dr Sue Swings have finally found love? What business is it of mine if the Professor is cheating on his avowed girlfriend Soo Ching Lim?

And yet I find that I lie in bed thinking of the two of them. And thinking of that moment in the Ramblers’ Retreat when Sue and I sat side by side and her mood was gentle and I secretly hoped that Roundabout would not disturb us…

Could it be that the thought of them together reminds me of my own status, a single man past his youthful prime? Am I ever to remain on the touchline of life, a journalist happy to observe and comment upon the life without tasting it to the full?

It was time to banish these maudlin reflections and take action. Time to grasp the nettle. My conversation last week with Professor Roundabout had left me none the wiser, so I determined to tackle the matter from the other angle. I arranged to meet Dr Swings for lunch.

‘I want to know what has been going on,’ I explained firmly over the phone. ‘I want you to tell me everything.’

All quiet in the City drinking bars

We met in a City wine bar on Friday. Christmas was already in the air – or in the shops anyway – and at this time of year the City’s drinking haunts would normally be heaving with happy traders, eagerly awaiting the award of their annual bonus. But the place was quiet and the mood sombre. Some looked glumly at the floor while others, in conversation with recruitment consultants, I assumed, looked furtively over their shoulders.

It was unusually easy to find a table, and it was not long before the smart figure of Dr Swings was coming briskly towards me.

‘So you are confused,’ she began. ‘You want to know what is going on?’

I admitted as much. ‘I need to know.’

‘Well I’ll tell you,’ said Dr Swings.

I leaned eagerly forward. I felt tense, expectant. Finally I was to discover the truth of Dr Swings’ affair with the Professor.

A crisis in the middle classes

‘It is clear,’ she began, ‘that the economy has decelerated sharply in the last three weeks. The consumer is scared. Nobody is buying anything unless they have to. Only yesterday, my sister, who runs a boutique in Chipping Norton, told me that she has hardly sold a thing this month. There is a sense of crisis throughout the middle classes and economic confidence is as low as it could possibly be…’

With a sigh, I tried to click my mind back into the world of economics and finance. It seemed that Dr Swings, just like the Professor, was determined to be evasive. This could only mean one thing – that they had something to hide. Why, I asked myself, had I always thought Dr Swings incapable of the finer feelings of romance?

Looking across the table I found that the colour of her hair, which I had always thought of as mousy, was in fact a honey blonde. And her eyes, that had previously reminded me of hardened peas, suddenly brought to mind the warm waters of the Indian Ocean. Why had I not seen these things earlier?

‘…internationally Citigroup is in trouble, while back in this country home repossessions are mounting all the time…’

I was lost in my thoughts of what might have been, but Dr Swings was in full flow.

‘…despite being rescued by the Government, the banks are not lending freely. Why? Because they are afraid that if they do lend money they will not get it back. Now the Government threatens to strong-arm the banks into lending. This is highly dangerous territory. This is the command economy. Socialism. Interference with the free market. The direction of lending for political rather than economic reasons.

‘The Government wants us to believe that there is an easy way out of this hole. Only yesterday I heard Margaret Beckett talk about ‘a whole range of measures’ for those who cannot pay their mortgage. She said that advice was available. But advice can pay no bills. Either people have money with which to pay off their debts or they do not. The banks understand this, but the Government pretends it is not so. This is highly irresponsible…’

Dr Swings went on, but I was not listening. The words passed over and around me but the sound of her voice was music to my ears. It was mellifluous, seductive even. How many admirers she must have here in the City, I thought. Why then, had she cast her net in the direction of Professor Roundabout with his unkempt appearance and disorganised ways?

It all depends on you, Darling!

But then another thought struck me. Perhaps I was imagining all this. Perhaps the notion that Dr Swings longed for the Professorial embrace had been fermented by my own jealous heart. I was in more of a muddle than ever – but suddenly I heard not only the voice of Dr Swings but her words as well. They brought me back into the moment with a start.

‘…it all depends on you, Darling!’

If it is possible to be both stunned and elated, then I was stunned and elated. And I was at something of a loss. I had not been listening. What all depended on me? Sue’s future happiness, of course! A future entwined with myself! If inevitably a little vague, I framed a positive response.

‘Whatever you wish, Sue,’ I began, looking directly into the warm waters of the Indian Ocean. ‘You can rely on me. I will never let you down.’ Solemnly I placed my hand upon hers.

She snatched it away. ‘I don’t know why you wanted to see me’, she snapped. ‘You haven’t listened to a word. Now I must go. As I was saying, it all depends on Alastair Darling’s pre-budget report. And I must get back to my office to write my preview.’

And off she marched, to be replaced by the leering face of a City trader.

‘Just been given the boot, ‘ave yer, mate? I can spot these personnel officers a mile off. Don’t worry, though. We’ll all be out of a job at this rate…’

More soon…

Regards,

Tom Bulford
for The Penny Sleuth

P.S. I hope you found my “bounceback” report interesting. In case you missed this on Friday, I’m including below a link to the website where you can download the report. Thanks to the panic-selling brought about by recession fears, some of the UK’s best small firms are trading for practically nothing. But I’ve found THREE companies whose shares I am convinced are poised to rebound into potentially huge profits.

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A Sense of Crisis in the Middle Classes with Economic Confidence Low

Dr Swings Explains Everything